The Beauty of Goodbyes

Goodbyes are hard.

Tonight, I had to say goodbye to a priest who has become a father to me. This is the fourth time that I’ve had to say goodbye to him in the last year, but instead of getting easier, I find that each goodbye does more damage to my heart than the last. This goodbye is made especially hard by the fact that this time, there is no time frame for when I will see him again in this life. I don’t know when I will see him again, and so this goodbye has a finality to it that the others have not.

In two months, I have to say goodbye to another man who has become a friend, confidant, and brother to me. Like his brother priest, this man has been reassigned.

As I sat on a set of steps outdoors and wept after my goodbye tonight (realizing that another would be coming much sooner than I’d like), crying out in anguish to the Father in Heaven who sees each tear and feels my heartbreak, something occurred to me.

Goodbyes are hard for a reason, sisters.

Goodbyes remind us that we were not made for this world.

So often I forget how temporary this world is. I allow myself to become satisfied with the material, with the perishable, rather than holding out for the eternal. And that, sisters, is when goodbyes become difficult.

In this world, all things must pass, including our relationships. Whether it’s the move of a best friend, the death of a spouse, the growing up of a child, the ending of a friendship, or the reassignment of a priest or religious we have grown close to, goodbyes will come, and they will hurt.

So let them, sisters. Let them hurt. Let them reawaken the ache in your souls for the eternal. For when we come to heaven’s shore, we will be reunited with all those that we loved and lost, and we will never, ever have to say goodbye again.

So I’m going to lean into this pain, sisters. I’m going to embrace these goodbyes, as hard as they are. I’m going to rejoice in the tears. I’m going to turn to our loving Father with an ache in my soul that only He can fill. I pray that the next time you have a tough goodbye, you do the same.

This post appeared first on Blessed is She.

Disclaimer: This is a post I wrote a couple months ago that was featured on the Blessed is She blog!

BIS Sisterhood: Transfiguration

I don't know about you, but sometimes I have days where I just feel ugly. My hair won't seem to lie flat, my nose looks just a little too big, I feel bloated and fat, when I angle my head down too far I have this gross double chin. I simultaneously want to purge my entire self of all the junk food I've ever eaten while running for ten miles and yet want to burrow into my bed with a mountain of chocolate and binge on netflix. On these days I would give anything to change those little things about my appearance that I don't like. I'd like to trade in my glasses for perfect vision. I'd like to lose a few pounds. I'd like that little clump of flyaways in my hair that hasn't grown in five years to go away.

On these days, I have two options:

1. Wallow in self pity and continue to pick on all of the things about myself that I hate and wish I could change.

or

2. Recognize that these feelings plaguing me are lies and choose to focus on the things that I love about myself: the color of my hair, my long and thin fingers, the size of my eyes, my feet.

It seems to me that whenever I choose option 2, those feelings go away far quicker than when I choose option 1, and it's not long before I begin to feel fabulous and beautiful.

I have no doubt you've had this scenario happen to you as well. I use this as an example, because I think it's a good metaphor for our spiritual life.

Sometimes I have days where my soul feels ugly. Days where praying is hard. Where it seems that no matter how hard I try, I'm always weighed down by my sins and failures. Where I just can't seem to wrap my head around the words of Jesus. Where His will seems so unclear.

I think Peter felt like this as he followed Jesus up the mountain that day. Jesus has been doing a lot of amazing things and teaching the disciples a lot of difficult lessons. And Peter seems to be screwing up left and right. He just can't seem to get it right, and he can't understand what Jesus is trying to tell him about who Jesus is and what He's here for.

And then, just as Peter was undoubtedly reaching a breaking point with himself, Jesus revealed His glory to Peter. And from then on, Jesus begins to transfigure Peter's life. Peter goes from being this unimportant, timid fisherman to the brave and mighty leader of Jesus' Church after His ascension into heaven.

So often in my own life, I'm just like Peter when he's climbing that mountain. Frustrated, confused, discouraged. I go through my day with this weight on my soul, professing belief in His glory in my head but not feeling it in my heart.

And then, just as I reach my own breaking point, He allows me to see a flash of His glory, to know and feel His glorious presence in my soul. To realize that it was there all along, even when I didn't feel it. And each time He does this, He transfigures a small part of my brokenness. My stubborn tendencies, my impatience at trying to figure out His will, my frustration with my own weaknesses, my despair at my sinfulness. His glory penetrates these areas of my life and reveals the Truth to me.

There's a song that I've been listening to a lot lately that describes this more perfectly than my own words can.

"And I am changed, I am so very changed by You, and Your love that rains down on me. 

You have called me to this mountain, I will not turn around and walk away, I will move it, by Your grace I will move it." -MOVE by Jessica Schissel

Sisters, sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle. We can feel weighed down by the ugliness of sin. But as He did with Peter, the Lord is waiting to reveal His glory and transfigure those parts of yourself that you would like to throw out. Have patience and courage, dear ones. Have trust that He will move, too.


As a sidenote, check out MOVE. by Jessica Schissel (a good friend of mine who recently released this song on her first EP). Trust me, the whole EP is amazing.